Phenomenology of Rejection Part II

As I slowly matured to a teenager, I became very independent. During my high school days, I started to stay away from home. I became a happy-go-lucky person. I’ve taken for granted my studies and prioritized my friends, not thinking about the side effects of my decision. I suddenly felt freedom because when I am with my friends, I felt that I can do everything, that everything is in the palm of my hands ( I can do everything I want without any inhibitions and regrets). It even came to a point where we started drinking everyday at our school without my parents knowing it. I became an alcoholic, thinking that it can help me clear my mind from all the problems I have. When I was younger, I was always with my grandparents (mother side) because they are the only ones that can understand me. They believed in my capabilities. When I was in grade school, I was a constant achiever because they (my grandparents) believed in me. I excelled because of their faith. That was enough for me to do all of my duties extra ordinarily well. That is why when my grand mother passed away, I felt that some part of me died, that I couldn’t live anymore without her. For some time, I was being laid back from all the things that were supposed to be done. During those trying times, I was being dragged to a path that I never liked. I became a “typical bad boy.” During those days, I thought of committing suicide but some part of me was saying,”You have better things to do in your life rather than committing suicide”. What was happening to my life? What am I going to be if this kind of attitude towards life continues?

It was apparent to the above narration that in order to answer these questions, I would have to look deeper into my self and see the different factors that led me to this path. This can be generally described as a problem on a person’s relationship to himself. How much do you know yourself? Basically, a person must seek what is his (her) purpose (the essence of life itself) in his (her) life.